Journey to Surrender

In my previous post I explained how Christian maturity is a matter of allowing the Holy Spirit to have a stronger influence over our souls (mind, will and emotions) in order that we become more Christ-like in our words and actions. But, as I explained earlier in this series, the one-flesh goal in marriage is certainly not for husband and wife to think and act alike, so what is the marriage equivalent of the Bridal Paradigm that relates to our souls? In the marriage relationship, neither person’s spirit is more important or more “right” than the other’s; it makes no sense for me become more like my wife, nor for her to become more like me. So what is the spirit-soul relationship in marriage?

Here is at least one part of what I think it means to be one-flesh in the realm of the soul. It means purposefully developing and focusing your own mind, will and emotions a way that nurtures and fosters your spouse’s spirit, or their true, ideal nature. In addition to growing in Christ by yielding your soul to the Holy Spirit, I believe there is at least some part of your soul that should likewise be attuned to the spirit of your husband or wife. That’s why I said it is essential to gain supernatural insight into who your spouse really is in order to consider the implications for your soul.

Are your thoughts of your spouse only formed in response to external factors, such as what they say and do or the way they express their emotions toward you? Or are you able to use the insight that God has given you into the spirit of your mate to think of them as God does, through the eyes of love and grace. Can you see your spouse as perfect and beautiful, regardless of what you see in the natural?

Are your own emotional responses driven purely from the emotions and actions of your spouse or from your own self-interests? Or are you able to work in cooperation with the Holy Spirit to react with grace and kindness, with unselfish love and true affection, even when it isn’t necessarily warranted or deserved? Does the truth of who your husband or wife truly is inform your emotions or do you instead allow your emotions to degrade your understanding of who they really are?

Is your will completely self-centered, or is there room in your desires and dreams to accommodate the desires and dreams of your spouse as well? I’m not saying you should capitulate or give up your own desires and dreams, but rather that you must not consider yours in isolation.

So to me, being one-flesh in the realm of the soul is not about thinking, feeling and dreaming the same way as your spouse, but rather about thinking, feeling and dreaming in a way that honors your spouse’s true nature, as God created them to be in their inner-most being. This is what it means to be soul mates.