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Tuesday, June 26, 2012
6:00 AM | Posted by
Scott
Today, my one
true love and I celebrate 30 years of marriage!
That’s a bit
of a mind-boggling number, because in some ways the marriage journey that Jenni
and I have traveled together has flown by. In other ways, I feel like we’ve
earned every one of those 30 years.
What’s Our Secret?
It’s hard to
point to a single thing that I would say is THE key to keeping your marriage
strong and healthy, because a great marriage takes time and attention to a lot of little things every day. But if I had to pick
one thing, it would be Jesus. He is the foundation of our marriage and our
example of relentless love and grace. It is the love he displays for his bride
(that’s you and me, by the way) that has taught me most about how to love my
bride. It’s what I refer to as the bridal
paradigm.
If you want
to know more of our “secrets” to a long, happy marriage, I have a new article
up on Your Tango called “Why
After 30 Years Of Marriage, The Best Is Yet To Come.” It talks about the
importance of always believing that the best years of your marriage are still
ahead of you.
If you want
to know a bit more about our history, which started way back when Jenni and I
met in sixth grade, you can read it in the post called “Our Love Story.”
Let me close
by saying a public thank you to the love of my life.
Sweetheart,
I am so thankful for you and for our marriage. I can honestly say that I could not be the man I am today without your love, encouragement, support and patience. You bless me more than I can possibly describe. You still capture my heart with one glance of your eye.Here’s to another 30! The best is yet to come!
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Saturday, June 23, 2012
In my last post, “Decisions,
Decisions, Decisions,” I made the provocative assertion that in the rare
case when prayer, discussion and waiting has not resulted in agreement on a
decision, the husband should take the responsibility to make the call, using
his best judgment, which includes consideration of his wife’s needs, opinions
and expertise. I see that as part of his leadership role.
If you recall, the quote
that got me talking about this topic is something that Dr. Willard Harley
(author of “His Needs, Her Needs”) calls his cardinal rule of marriage: Never
do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse.
I have just a few more
thoughts to share on this important and somewhat controversial topic of
decision making.
The Problem With a “Rule” of Joint Agreement
Let me reiterate that joint
agreement (even enthusiastic join agreement) is a great goal and is something
to strive for, but I have a problem with the idea that you should do nothing
without it.
My principle objection is
that such a rule gives all the power and
authority in the relationship to the one who says no. Essentially, one can
prevent the other from deciding anything or doing anything simply by
disagreeing.
For example, say the car
breaks down and needs an expensive repair. He thinks they should fix it; she
thinks they should operate with one car instead. The rule of “do nothing” without agreement
means she holds all the cards.
Here’s another example where
the rule of joint agreement doesn’t make sense. He wants to go the beach for
vacation; she misses her parents and wants to go see them instead. Assuming
they can’t do both, do they simply stay home because they can’t agree?
Let’s say she wants to put
$200 a month into savings, but he doesn’t. The do-nothing rule says he gets his
way. Similarly, let’s say he wants to have a regular, active sex life but she
couldn’t care less about sex. If the
couple subscribes to the idea of doing nothing without enthusiastic agreement,
then he is doomed to a sexless marriage.
I realize that these are
somewhat simplistic examples and that I didn’t give any background, but
hopefully you see how a universal policy
of joint agreement seeds the balance of power to the objector. While I
don’t think that’s Dr. Harley’s intent, my concern is that it could easily be
the result.
Can’t We Just Compromise?
I’ve read quite a bit about
what Dr. Harley says about his POJA (see more on his POJA here),
and I realize that his point is to get
couples to consider each other’s needs, negotiate in good faith and find a
compromise that both parties can get behind wholeheartedly. These aren’t bad
ideas, but I don’t think they always necessarily lead to the best
solution.
I’ve said before
that I’m not a big believer in compromise,
at least not as it is defined by caving in to keep the peace or backing down
simply to keep your spouse from being unhappy. That kind of compromise is an
intimacy killer, because it requires you to forgo your personal integrity, to pretend
be someone you are not or feel something you do not. I think this is probably
why Dr. Harley added the “enthusiastic” qualifier to the need for agreement. Shrinking
back from expressing what you really think is not sustainable in the long run
and will eventually lead to a relationship explosion.
In the case of an impasse on
a decision, the better course is for both husband and wife to state their
positions and reasoning clearly and without pretense, being careful to avoid using
accusation or shame to try to manipulate each other. If however, through
discussion and prayerful consideration, neither is convinced of the other’s
position, ultimately the husband has to
take the responsibility to decide the matter based on what he thinks is
best. I see this as part of a husband’s mantle of leadership in the
relationship. As I said in my previous post, he is scripturally required to do
so in a way that maintains intimacy and
protects the relationship – that’s what Christ-like love dictates.
You may think my stance is
unfair and disempowering to wives; that rather than empowering the objector,
I’m simply empowering the husband to make all the decisions. Let me state clearly that I do not see the husband’s God-given role as “decision maker in
chief” or the “master of all decisions.”
He is principally called by God to be “lover in chief” who occasionally will be required to break an
impasse by deciding a matter, which is something altogether different than
making every decision. And even in the one or two percent case where the
decision is his to make in the face of disagreement with his wife, the basis for that decision still has to be
love and has to protect the intimacy in the relationship.
I honestly expected to get
more resistance to my post than I have received so far. I have also received
some good feedback via Facebook and
Twitter, but I’m still looking to hear from more couples about how they resolve
the issue of making decisions when there is disagreement.
So please leave a comment and let us
know how do you and your spouse resolve an impasse over a decision?
Thursday, June 21, 2012
If you read
much around here, you already know that I’m not afraid of stepping on toes. Today I was given a writer’s challenge to write something controversial to provoke my readers, so I decided to write a post I’ve been putting off for a long time.So here goes.
Many of you
have heard of, if not actually read, the popular book His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley. I highly recommend this
book for couples, because it does a good job of explaining common differences
between the needs of men and women.
I read
something a while back by Dr. Harley that he calls his cardinal rule of marriage:
Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse.
Sounds
reasonable, right? Seems fair and logical, doesn’t it?
Except it doesn’t really work.
Now before
you start yelling, let me make it clear that I certainly think the best
scenario is to gain agreement in all decisions. That said, however, I don’t see
any scriptural basis for making agreement a universal “cardinal rule.” A worthy
goal, yes. A doctrinal absolute, no.
At the Point of Impasse
In a healthy
relationship, reaching the point of impasse, where agreement simply cannot be
found, should be a rare thing. For most decisions, prayer, conversation and a
willingness to serve and support each other will lead to agreement. That should
be the 98% case.
But what do
you do when you’ve both prayed and received different answers? What do you do when you genuinely disagree on
the best way forward because a consensus could not be reached?
It seems to
me there are several possible default approaches to such a situation:
1. Do nothing
2. Flip a coin
3. Wait for someone to change his or her
mind
4. Somebody gives in just to keep the
peace
And here is the
point at which I provoke you:
5. The husband takes the responsibility
to decide the matter by his convictions
Authority and Responsibility
As near as I
can tell from my study of the scriptures, God ordained marriage as an ordered
partnership, where husband and wife are equal in value, but each has
differing roles. That means that the
position of authority (call it headship or leadership if those words are easier
for you) is assigned to a husband at the wedding, regardless of whether he
recognizes it and regardless of his apparent worthiness to carry it out. Let me
be clear; this position does not in any way lessen the value or worth of his
wife or diminish her role or importance in the marriage. It’s just the way God chose to set it up. “The husband is head of
his wife, as Christ is head of the church.” (Eph 5:23 NIV)
At the same
time I believe that husbands are held accountable for walking
out their authority in a Christ-like
manner, with all love, strength and sacrifice that entails. The authority granted to husbands comes
with an undeniable mandate. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her.” (Eph 5:25 NIV)
(If you are
new here, I would appreciate it if you would take the time to explore why I
believe what I believe about the role of husbands and wives and the implications
of those beliefs, which I don't have room to reiterate here. You can read more on
the husband’s role in my posts “Husbands,
Lead with Love” and “The
Question of Authority.” For more on
the wife’s role read “Love,
Respect and Submission.”)
Getting to
the point, what does this kind of ordered partnership mean in the very small
minority of cases where you are unable to agree upon a decision? I believe the
husband should man-up, take the responsibility, and make the call. Right or
wrong, the consequences are on his shoulders. But read on!
Decisions
like these should never be made lightly or without a careful eye to preserving the connection in the relationship.
That means reassuring his wife that
he has her best interest at heart and that of the family, that he has listened carefully to her input and understood it, and that he bares the responsibility of his decision. If he
does not take care of her heart in a Christ-like fashion, then by default he
has made the wrong decision, regardless of whether it turns out he made the
right call for the situation or not.
My stance on this raises
lots of questions, and I’ve got more to say on this controversial topic, which
I will cover in my next post. But I will
stop here and (hopefully) leave you provoked.
Let me hear your
feedback in the comments.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
This is my fourth
post in this series on grace in marriage.
You can read it as a stand alone, but if you want the context, I encourage you to catch up on the whole series starting here.
Today I want
to tackle another misconception about grace in marriage. I’ll pose it in the
form of a question:
It’s a good
question and probably a common one for many who are seeking to grow in
grace. What do you do when your husband makes
a bad financial decision that genuinely impacts you negatively? Do you just shrug it off and hope for the
best? Are you supposed to pretend you don’t care when your wife consistently refuses
you sexually? What do you do with the
negative emotions that rise up when your spouse does that thing they know
grates on your nerves for the tenth time, seemingly on purpose? Do you just
stuff it down or suck it up and pretend it doesn’t matter to you?
Does showing grace to my spouse over their mistakes, shortcomings and annoyances mean that these things shouldn’t bother me??
My short
answer is no. Stuffing it down and sucking it up do not fit with my understanding
of grace.
A Few Reminders
It’s
important to keep in mind that grace, by definition, is undeserved. The very
fact that you are choosing the way of grace indicates your willingness to let
go of your justification for offense. That’s hard, but that’s grace.
Don’t fool
yourself into thinking you are showing grace simply by suffering in silence or by
hiding your ill feelings from your spouse.
True grace requires that you be willing to lay down your rights for the good
of your marriage. If you are just keeping quiet, eventually things are going to
boil over or explode in a flash of emotion.
Stuffing it down isn’t grace, and it doesn’t work in the long run.
So what do
you do when you are genuinely bothered by something your spouse does? How do you approach a matter in which you are
struggling to find the grace to forgive and forget?
For some things,
especially those that are merely an annoyance or inconvenience, my first
suggestion is to ask God to change your heart.
Do you recall
how in my “Grace
and the Big But” post I suggested that you “let grace work on you” as the
first important step in getting to a grace-full marriage? It’s true that as we more
fully understand the grace we have been shown by Jesus, we are more able to
give the same kind of grace to others, especially to our spouse. Remember that marriage is designed to reflect
our relationship with Jesus, and that includes the same kind of grace.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
What Stands in the Way of Love?
Does God care
when we mess up? We know his grace is sufficient to cover all of our sins, past,
present and future. We know that when he
looks at us through the finished work of the cross, he sees us in
perfection. Jesus won for himself a pure
and spotless bride. Awesome and amazing truth!
So does God
care about our shortcomings, mistakes and ungodly habits?
The key to
understanding grace in marriage is to understand that the fiery and passionate
love of God does not wax and wane with our behavior. He is love. Period. It’s who he is. He cannot help it. By grace we are covered by that love.
But remember what
I said at the beginning of this series: the real purpose of grace is intimacy. So that’s God’s only agenda in response to our
mistakes. He wants to get rid of
everything in our lives that hinders love and intimacy with him. Everything. He
is a zealous and a jealous lover. He wants nothing to stand between us and him, and is relentlessly in pursuit of intimacy with us. He wants to have all of us.
So when you
are seeking the answer to the question of whether or not you should care about
something your spouse is doing, the real question is whether or not that thing
is a barrier to intimacy. Does it hinder your love relationship or is it just a personal
preference you’ve clung to selfishly.
The key to
understanding grace is that it should come freely and automatically, without any
conditions attached. It should be made clear to your spouse that their mistakes
and foibles don’t change how you feel about them. Let love and forgiveness be complete
and unconditional, then focus on whatever hinders intimacy, and make it clear
that your marriage relationship is the only motivation for seeking solutions to
these things.
Be a relentless pursuer of intimacy with your spouse.
Be a relentless pursuer of intimacy with your spouse.
The Role of the Holy Spirit
As I’ve said,
we aren’t as good at grace as God is. We get tangled up in our human emotions,
and that can make it hard to see clearly past the issue and into the true heart
of the matter. Our vision gets clouded and we can’t see who our spouse really is
in God’s eyes.
That’s why we
need the Holy Spirit. He guides us into all truth. So when you are faced with
something your spouse has done or continues to do that is hard for you to
accept, ask for the Holy Spirit to show you what is really going on. Is it simply a pet peeve that you need to let
go of? Is it something that is limiting
intimacy in your relationship (spiritual, emotional or physical)? Is it
motivated by selfishness or by love? Ask the Holy Spirit to show you how God
sees your spouse and the situation.
You’ll be
shocked how things can become so much clearer when you step back from your emotions
and ask for heavenly insight.
Natural Consequences
Some mistakes
your spouse makes will result in natural negative consequences. Mistakes with money or that involve other
people certainly can. A car wreck, a bad
investment decision are minor examples.
More serious matters, like infidelity or drug use, also carry significant natural
consequences.
Regardless, the thing to
remember in working through the consequences, is still to stay focused
on what really matters: wholeness in your marriage, which necessitates
wholeness in the individuals. Focus on eliminating everything that hinders
love. Your relationship matters most above all else.
Getting Unstuck
I understand the
fear that by giving grace you’ll be stuck with your spouse’s bad behavior
forever. But the truth is that grace can actually be the very mechanism to get
you unstuck!
Grace, as a
component of unconditional love, is a compelling force.
Of course your
spouse still has free will to ignore the love and grace you show. It’s not a
guarantee, but grace is the most likely course to getting and keeping your marriage
strong and growing in love and intimacy.
Grace doesn’t mean you
don’t care. It just means you care about something different: intimacy.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
This is the
third post in my series on grace in marriage.
Because these build on each other, I encourage you to catch up on the
other posts, Introduction
and The
Big But, before you read on.
Today I want
to expand a bit more on grace and law and how those work in marriage.
Biblical Warning Bells
We have
trouble apprehending the radical nature of the Gospel of grace. Apparently the early church did too. Much of Paul’s
letter to the Galatians is dedicated to the grace vs. law debate. Perhaps this one
verse sums it up best:
You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.Galatians 5:4
The law says
we have to earn God’s love, acceptance, blessing and forgiveness based solely on what we do or don’t do. Grace says we have God’s love, acceptance,
blessing and forgiveness regardless of
what we do or don’t do. A right understanding of grace allows us to do for God out of a place of total being totally loved and accepted.
Between law
and grace lies a dangerous middle ground, a toxic wasteland which says that
even though we have God’s forgiveness, our standing with him is only as good as
our human efforts to “live right.” Do
you feel like you can’t go to church until you clean up your act? Are you
hesitant to pray when haven’t had a quiet time in a week? Do you feel less
“spiritual, because you haven’t read your Bible like you feel you should? Does shame over sin in your life cause you to
run away from God instead of running to him for mercy and strength? Is your
ability to engage with God in worship on Sunday affected by how “good” you were
during week?
All of these
are signs that you are stuck in the toxic wasteland between law and grace.
What’s the
problem, you ask? The problem is that
all of our law-based behaviors destroy intimacy with God. They focus us on our shortcomings instead of
Jesus’ provision for them. They cause us
to try to hide from God instead of embrace him. They leave us trapped by fear
and shame. They keep us from living in
the fullness and abundant blessing that Jesus died to give us.
The Law/ Grace Mix in Marriage
This toxic
mixture shows up in marriage all the time with the same kind of harmful
effects.
We all know
that a law-based marriage is wrong. It’s
the kind of legalistic relationship where one wrong move sends you to the
proverbial doghouse. A law-filled
marriage is full of harsh judgment, retribution and fear. Living in that kind
of relationship is exhausting and fruitless.
But almost
equally as bleak is a relationship where law and grace are mixed together;
where we speak grace, but hold the law in our hearts; where we give grace to an
extent but still base our actions on what our partner does or
doesn’t do or how much they give to us.
For example, as
you are doing an unusually kind deed for your husband, are you simply delighting
in how much it will bless him or are you secretly thinking about the leverage
it will give you in getting him to do the dishes later? A grace-filled perspective
allows you to give without the expectation of getting something in return.
When your
wife says something to you that feels disrespectful, do you immediately shoot
her a comeback line or withdraw in frustration and hurt? Or do you stay engaged
with her, gently bring it to her attention and seek to understand the why
behind her comment? Grace assumes the
best, forgives quickly and maintains your connection above all.
What is your
first instinct when you do something stupid that is going to negatively impact
your spouse, maybe even as result of directly going against his or her wishes?
Do you want to hide it for fear of judgment and retribution? Or do you want to quickly
go to them, repair the damage and make it right? If your marriage is
grace-based, you know that the relationship matters more than being able to
follow all the rules.
When you have
been unable to stay connected for some reason, physical separation, busyness,
disagreement or whatever, do you feel like you have to “earn” back your
intimacy? Do you wait for the other to
make the first move? Do you need things to “feel” better before you act on the
intimacy that is yours by virtue of being one flesh?
When your
partner does something out of character that hurts you, do you react with anger
or fear or judgment? Or are you able to
love them “as if?” Can you love them for who you know them to be despite their
behavior? Do you lovingly work to
understand the why behind their behavior?
Are you willing to seek to make things right, even if your spouse doesn’t
initiate the reconciliation?
Here’s a
quick side-by-side comparison of the grace-law paradigm and the grace-full
paradigm:
Law/Grace Mix Marriage
|
Grace-Full Marriage
|
|
I will
only show love to you in the proportion you show love to me
|
I will show love to you freely,
regardless of the love you show me in return
|
|
I will
withhold intimacy from you until you do the things I expect
|
I desire intimacy with you more than
I desire your perfection
|
|
We need a
50-50 relationship
with
everything split down the middle
|
A 100-100 relationship means
we both give 100%. All I am is
yours.
|
|
I love you
because of what you do for me and what I get out of our relationship
|
I love you because of who you are
and because we are one
|
Living a
grace-full marriage 100% is neither easy nor natural. Our reactive,
self-protective and selfish instincts will fight grace all the way. We aren’t going to be as good at grace as God
is because we are fallible people, with flaws and wrong thinking that will try
to get in the way of grace. Yet grace should be our goal.
I’m convinced
that God’s intention for our marriages is that they be entirely grace-filled and
that we should shift our thinking toward grace and away from the toxic mixture
that is law and grace.
How does this resonate with you?
Next
time: Does giving grace mean I don’t care?
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Today I’m
continuing my series on grace. As we explore grace and its
implications for marriage, keep in mind my message from the Introduction, which
is that grace is an invitation to deeper intimacy in your marriage.
In a
spiritual context, the number one concern I hear, the "big but” referred to in
the headline, is that a grace focus will leave people to do as they please,
without regard to sin or displeasing God.
Logical, perhaps, but completely wrong!
The book of Romans addresses the issue clearly:
What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?Rom 6:1
The next
verse answer with an emphatic, “Of course not!!” Paul then goes on to explain that grace makes
us one with Christ and so we are dead to sin and our old nature. “Count
yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.” (v. 11) Paul concludes this discussion on the radical
power of grace this way, “For sin shall not be your master, because you are not
under law, but under grace.”
Can people
still sin? Of course. Do people still sin? For sure. But the answer is not to
reject grace and go back to the law! The answer is still grace. Remember, “It is His
kindness that leads us to repentance,” or as The Message puts it:
In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.Romans 2:4b
I realize
that God’s grace is somewhat confounding, even a little counter-intuitive, but
that’s also true about so many Kingdom principles. It doesn't make them any less true.
The Marriage ‘But’
“But if I
show grace to my husband/wife, won’t he/she just keep on doing all the stuff
that annoys me so much?”
“But if I go the
grace route, how am I going to get my husband/wife to do what I want?”
These are
common and understandable reactions to the grace message in marriage. The
problem is that these questions miss the point of grace entirely.
Grace is not about getting someone to
do the right thing; grace is about intimacy and relationship. Grace is given by God, not in order
to gain your obedience or conformance to a bunch of rules, but to gain your
heart. Obedience follows out of the love relationship we have with Jesus, not
the other way around. We get that backwards sometimes.
Remember that
intimacy comes from being fully known and yet completely loved. When we come face to face with the
unconditional, unyielding, passionate love of God, even though
he knows us to our core, we are completely transformed.
These same
principles apply to grace in marriage. I don’t show my wife grace in order to
get her to stop doing things I don’t want or to get her do the things I want. I show her grace in order to ensure intimacy
between us, to strengthen our relationship and to keep us deeply connected. Out
of the place of feeling completely loved and accepted, she is much more willing
to do things to please me than if she feels judged and criticized by me.
When you
express grace in your marriage (unmerited blessing and favor, undeserved
kindness and forgiveness) you are, in effect, saying to your spouse, “I want intimacy with you more than I want
your perfection.”
No Fuss, No Muss
Cherl, a
commenter on my introduction to grace, put it this way, “So should I fuss and
tell him the little things or work on grace???”
My
answer? Neither one.
First of all,
fussing at your spouse about the things that annoy you isn’t likely to do much
for the intimacy level in your marriage. They may stop doing that one thing you
fussed about, for a time, simply to start doing that same thing again later or something else even more annoying and frustrating.
Better than
fussing is to show grace, true grace, meaning a desire to be as close as
possible, a genuine desire to be one. I’m
not saying you should simply ignore the mistakes and frustrations you face in
your relationship, thereby allowing the resentment to fester and build to the
boiling point. I’m suggesting, rather,
that you show mercy, kindness and love to your spouse, with the goal of
deepening intimacy (truly knowing each other).
When you
choose to bless your husband or wife in face of their shortcomings, it speaks
loudly to their heart that they are loved and accepted. In a healthy relationship, their natural
response will be to want to bless you back. Then you have the opportunity to tell
them what that looks like to you, giving you an invitation to address, in a
loving way, whatever it is the issue or concern is.
Let Grace Work on You
So do you
instead need to “work on grace?” as Cherl asked in her comment?
Nope, not
exactly.
Rather, I
say, let grace work on you.
What I mean
by that is to press into a deeper understanding of the grace that you have been
shown by God in Christ. Apprehending God’s grace will empower you to show grace
to others, including your spouse. Get it in your heart and mind the extent to
which grace is about intimacy and relationship, and let that knowledge fuel the
response you have to your spouse in the face of his or her failings or
shortcomings.
Let grace work on you and on your heart, thereby allowing grace to work its way into your marriage.
So, have I dealt sufficiently
with your “but” or do you still have some doubts about this whole grace
thing? Let’s talk. Leave a comment.
Next time:
The Toxic Mixture of Grace and Law
Friday, June 1, 2012
Today I’m
kicking off a new series on grace in marriage.
I’m taking this
deep dive into grace for several reasons.
First of all, though grace is simple in concept, the implications of grace for
marriage are enormous. Second, even though I’ve touched on this topic in
previous posts, I have never given grace the attention it deserves. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, grace
is just as critical as love is to strengthening and sustaining your
marriage. Grace and love are like
the bookends that keep your marriage together.
What is Grace?
Grace is
simply unmerited favor, mercy and kindness. Grace is at the core of the Gospel.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.Rom 5:1-2
We know that God’s
unbounded grace comes to us through faith in Jesus, and we know that He is “full
of grace and truth” (John 1:14).
Grace is our way to forgiveness for all the wrongs we have done or that we will ever do against God, and thus our way to eternal life. Grace also brings us God’s favor and blessing, even when we don’t deserve it.
Grace is our way to forgiveness for all the wrongs we have done or that we will ever do against God, and thus our way to eternal life. Grace also brings us God’s favor and blessing, even when we don’t deserve it.
An Invitation to Intimacy
As true as
all this is, I believe that grace actually has its deepest roots in intimacy.
God didn’t
crush his Son simply to gain our forgiveness and eternal life or just to bless us. He did it because he desires intimacy with
us, both now and for all eternity. Jesus’
sacrifice on the cross gives us unprecedented face-to-face access to the Father.
Grace is God’s invitation to intimacy with him,
because most of all, God is a zealous lover. He desires to have all of you and
all of me for himself, for all time.
As we reflect on grace
and marriage in this series, keep in mind that a grace-full marriage is really about a path to deeper intimacy between you and your husband or wife.
Next up: Grace and the Big "But"
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