Journey to Surrender

If "a kiss is just a kiss" then you are doing it wrong.

I first saw that tweeted many months ago. I agree wholeheartedly!

In case you didn't catch the reference, it is from the 1942 classic movie Casablanca. The famous song "As Time Goes By" is prominently featured in the movie, the first few lines of which are:

You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh.
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by.

You can catch one of the more famous scenes featuring the song by clicking below.

What Is a Kiss?

So if a kiss is not just a kiss, then what is it?

To me, a kiss is:

• An intimate physical expression of the oneness you share
• A publicly acceptable way of showing affection for your spouse
• Eliminates emotional space between your by eliminating physical space
• As close as you can get to each other without actually having sex
• A great way to keep your physical relationship on simmer
• A cheap, fat-free, sugar-free, guilt-free treat. It can, however, be habit forming

Kisses Speak Louder Than Words

I posted a while back about how your eyes speak volumes to your spouse (The Eyes Have It). Well, a kiss speaks even more loudly that your eyes.

It may sound strange, but I can typically tell pretty accurately where my wife is emotionally by how she kisses me. A little, tight-lipped peck says, "There is emotional distance between us right now" or "I'm distracted." A short, casual kiss says, "I love you." If she wraps her arms around me with the kiss, she is adding, "And I'm so glad you're mine." A nice long passionate kiss says, "I desire you."

What are your kisses saying to your spouse? Do you convey your love with your lips? Frequently?

If you aren't the kissing kind, I suggest you rethink that. Kissing is a really important way of connecting physically outside the bedroom. Challenge yourself to up get your lips engaged in your relationship.

Bonus: use your eyes AND your lips. Look lovingly into your spouses eyes as you approach for the kiss. Or afterward share a warm, lingering glance and a smile of appreciation. Sizzle.

Why We Kiss

Science Daily claims that a University of Albany study "found sex differences in the importance and type of kissing. Males tended to kiss as a means to an end -- to gain sexual favors or to reconcile. In contrast, females kiss to establish and monitor the status of their relationship, and to assess and periodically update the level of commitment on the part of a partner."  

Both of these point to what males and females are usually looking to get  when they kiss, but in truth, kissing should also be about giving. Giving your love. Giving your emotional vulnerability. Giving your self. Oh, and every once in a while it's okay to kiss your spouse in a way that says, "You are mine!"

Next time I'll be offering a kissing primer to encourage you to amp up your kissing prowess and infuse your marriage with a little more passion.

Let me leave you with this little scene from another movie. It's the ending of The Princess Bride, involving the best kiss since the invention of the kiss.

So what about you, are you a kisser? On a scale of 1-10 , how important is kissing in your marriage? What does kissing do for you and for your marriage? Let's hear it. Leave a comment.

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The August issue of "Pathways," my monthly newsletter completely focused on building the intimacy in your marriage. Go check out this issue, The Intersection of Intimacy and Technology.