Journey to Surrender

When was the last time you and your spouse did something just because it was fun?

Next up in this series on how to grow a more passionate marriage: Playfulness.

Looking for the Passion Switch

I think it's fair to say that most couples would like to have more passion in their marriage. So, why don't more couples achieve it?

One reason is that passion requires persistence. There is no "passion switch" that will suddenly triple the passion level in your marriage. Even occasional intensely passionate encounters, as great as they are, won't be enough to sustain passion.

Remember, passion is more than just what happens in the bedroom (or wherever). Passion has to do with relishing in every dimension of your marriage, the sexual, the spiritual, the relational - all of it. It's being crazy about your spouse and being willing to show it consistently, every single day. It's spending time together and connecting regularly on an emotional level. Maybe you think that's too idealistic, but passion is truly a daily choice, or rather, a set of daily choices.

Developing a passionate atmosphere in your marriage is mostly a frame of mind; it's something that burns on the inside of you. Learn to take delight in who your spouse is. Take pleasure in your marriage. Be thankful for what you have, but always go for more!

One thing you should be deliberate about is to regularly inject playfulness into your marriage.

Just For the Fun of It

How long has it been since you and your spouse did something just to have some fun? Really. No agendas, not on the to do list, no real purpose even. Just for fun.

Regularly injecting a little playfulness into your marriage will go a long way toward keeping passions alive.

When was the last time you laughed together until your sides hurt? Can't remember? Maybe you need to play a little more.

In addition to regularly having fun, another important dimension of playfulness is maintaining a sense of adventure.

Once in a while, do something you have never done before, just to mix things up a little and keep life interesting. And I'm not just talking about in the bedroom. Even small adventures, like visiting a park you've never gone to before, enjoying a new cuisine or trying a new sexual position, will add to the sense of freshness and help keep you from getting stuck in a rut.

Here's the truth, too much routine can be passion poison!

So step outside your comfort zone once in a while and infuse your marriage with a bit of creativity and excitement. It will do wonders for the passion in your marriage.

Passion Pointers

What is fun or exciting is going to be different for every marriage. What's fun to one couple is going to be lame to another. It can also be true that what is exciting to you might be either terrifying or completely boring to your spouse. That's why you have to work together on playfulness. Find what works for you both.

Here are just a few ideas to get you thinking:

• Go see a funny movie together. Yes, go to an actual theater.
• Learn a new card game. Add some adventure by making up a strip version!
• Buy and play a new board game.
• Make love in a different room of the house.
• Pick a new restaurant to visit next time you go out to dinner instead of "the usual." Try ordering something you've never tasted before.
• Make plans to explore a new nearby city together
• Take a cooking class or dancing lessons
• Surprise your spouse with one of these ideas.

On a whim, I recently shocked Jenni when I agreed for us to take some Salsa dancing lessons that were being offered at our church. We quickly discovered that we are no Fred and Ginger, but we had lots of fun and got to laugh hysterically at ourselves once every week for several months.

The thing is, as I said above, you are going to have to be purposeful about playfulness. In the midst of the craziness of life, fun and adventure won't necessarily just happen on their own. You will have to make room for them and be intentional about it. Trust me, though, it will pay off.

What do you and your spouse do to play together? Share your experiences and ideas in a comment.

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If you missed the other post in the Passion Series:

• Passion: the key to delighting in one another 
• Pursue your wife (Men Only Monday)
• Pursue your Husband (Wives Only Wednesday)