Journey to Surrender

There is no better way to experience date night oneness than through sexual intimacy.

I'm wrapping up my Date Night series today with a post about the ultimate expression of marital intimacy. That's right, we're talking about date night sex.

The whole reason I've taken a month to encourage you to improve your date night habits this year is so that your marriage will experience deeper intimacy. Regular, dedicated and focused one-on-one time is essential if you are going to grow closer together as a couple.

Since closeness is what we are after, there is no better way to experience it than through sexual intimacy. It's the ultimate expression of marital oneness.

Who Has Date Night Nooky?

Surprisingly, couples who took my Date Night Survey reported that sex was part of date night less than half the time. More surprisingly, men and women reported the same overall percentage of sexual activity (the Grand Total in the chart below). This stands in stark contrast the results of my Sexual Satisfaction Survey, in which the men generally reported having a lot less sex than the women.
But here is one area where husbands and wives did differ significantly. For men, the less frequently the couple had dates, the lower percentage of those dates included sexual activity. For wives who went on dates once a month or more, the opposite was true. For example, for couples who had weekly dates, men reported that 60% of their dates included sex, whereas for wives sex happened only 43% of the time. Those who dated once per month, wives reported that 63% of their dates included sex, but for husbands it was only 45%.

Perhaps its just a statistical anomaly, But if you can explain that disconnect I'd love to hear your theory!

Learn to Be More Intentional

I don't think that every date needs to include sexual activity. However, I would suggest that you and your spouse be intentional about including physical intimacy much of the time.

Why?

Well, I would ask, why not? Seriously. Unless there is a reason not to, try to make a sexual connection part of most date nights (or date mornings).

How can you make a sexual connection more likely?

For the low-drive spouse (typically but not always the wife), date-night nooky starts in your mind. Instead of dreading the possibility, embrace the idea of an unmatched intimate connection with your spouse. Think of it as a way to bless your spouse with the gift of your body. No one wants begrudging charity sex - your spouse will certainly know. Spend some time in advance of date night thinking positive sexual thoughts and preparing yourself mentally for a wonderful encounter. You might even want to mention to your spouse how you are looking forward to making love in a text, note, or phone call.

For the high-drive spouse (typically but not always the husband), focus your thoughts on the non-sexual connection you'll be making with your spouse during the date. Don't make the mistake of thinking date night is simply a way to get sex! Your spouse will know and likely be offended. For improving your connection during the date, consider getting a copy of my brand new Intimate Connections workbook and using one or more of the pages to spark some intimacy-building conversations.

I hope you've found the date night series helpful and an encouragement for you to make 2016 a year where you do a better job of dating each other more consistently and creatively. I plan to revisit this topic from time to time with date-night ideas and maybe a few reports on some of our own date nights. We might even have a date night contest at some point.

If you've found the series helpful in some way or if it has spurred you to be more proactive in dating your spouse, please let me know with a comment.

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Check out the earlier posts in the Date Night Series:

1. Read why date night is so important go read my first post in this series. Why You Need to Keep (or Start) Dating in 2016
2. For some ideas on how to plan date nights and what most couples do (and want to do more), check out my second post. Making the Most of Date Night
3. My third post explains how home dates can be a great way to overcome common date night obstacles: Overcoming Date Night Obstacles with Home Dates